O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
