Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
