ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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