She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
