toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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