I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
