please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
40s are totally the cure
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
