I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
