So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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