i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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