I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
