it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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