If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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