break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
