3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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