No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
