I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
