I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
