My first STD was from a foam party
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
