your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I could make wine with my vomit
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
