i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
