They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
