So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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