Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
