My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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