I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
