Why are handjobs necessary in class?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize