And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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