i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
