Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you will always have a special place in my vag
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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