You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
false alarm, still single
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize