I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
