worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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