Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
