The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
