At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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