hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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