just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Where is the hickey?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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