To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
