It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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