Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
