Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
