I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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