Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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