I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
