we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
