Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
