I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
