you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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