So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
