I could have mohawked her pubes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
