I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize