Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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