I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
