can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
