My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
