Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
