This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
