i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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