he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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