I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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