i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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