The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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