we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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