I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not ubering you a puppy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
