I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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