If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
