I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
areolas are like halos for boobs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
