JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
