Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
why is half of my head shaved?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
