I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want a musical about memes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
