Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
