things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
